{"id":161,"date":"2020-05-29T07:40:00","date_gmt":"2020-05-29T14:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/?p=161"},"modified":"2020-06-03T17:34:46","modified_gmt":"2020-06-04T00:34:46","slug":"seattle-got-drunk-and-spent-all-federal-coronavirus-funds-on-85-new-bike-lanes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/?p=161","title":{"rendered":"Seattle Got Drunk and Spent All Federal Coronavirus Funds On 85 New Bike Lanes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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SEATTLE, WA – Mayor Jenny Durkin confirmed to reporters today that, after a “Quanantini”-laden remote city council meeting, Seattle had spent the city’s entire $216 million Federal stimulus package on more than 80 new bicycle lanes and a similar green initiatives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“We were so excited to get the stimulus,” Durkin said, “and last night we had an emergency meeting to review what to do with it. One thing led to another, and you know how it goes. When I woke up this morning I was kind of hazy about what we decided. But then I checked my e-mail and there was an order confirmation from Amazon for $118 million in paving supplies, and I’m, like, ‘Oh s–t.'”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“I figured there was some mistake,” Durkin continued, “but then I called Lisa [Herbold, Seattle City Council member] and she said, ‘I don’t know why but I have a thing from Etsy about $34 million in custom bicycle route signs.’ And then [City Council member Dan] Strauss texted me ‘did we order I-5 permanently closed last nite LOL?’ That was when I realized s–t had gotten real.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Proposed new express bike corridor which will replace Interstate 5 through King County<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Council members hastily assembled their recollections and e-mail receipts this morning to discover that the previous night they had placed orders for:<\/p>\n\n\n\n