{"id":113,"date":"2020-05-23T19:25:00","date_gmt":"2020-05-24T02:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/?p=113"},"modified":"2020-05-23T20:40:42","modified_gmt":"2020-05-24T03:40:42","slug":"audibly-drunk-portland-calls-seattle-at-3-a-m-to-just-you-know-talk-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/?p=113","title":{"rendered":"Audibly Drunk Portland Calls Seattle At 3 a.m. To &#8220;Just, You Know, Talk, Man&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"twitter-share\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?via=SeattleNewsmkr\" class=\"twitter-share-button\">Tweet<\/a><\/div>\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-social-links\"><li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-wordpress\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wordpress.org\" aria-label=\"WordPress\"> <svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" role=\"img\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M12.158,12.786L9.46,20.625c0.806,0.237,1.657,0.366,2.54,0.366c1.047,0,2.051-0.181,2.986-0.51 c-0.024-0.038-0.046-0.079-0.065-0.124L12.158,12.786z M3.009,12c0,3.559,2.068,6.634,5.067,8.092L3.788,8.341 C3.289,9.459,3.009,10.696,3.009,12z M18.069,11.546c0-1.112-0.399-1.881-0.741-2.48c-0.456-0.741-0.883-1.368-0.883-2.109 c0-0.826,0.627-1.596,1.51-1.596c0.04,0,0.078,0.005,0.116,0.007C16.472,3.904,14.34,3.009,12,3.009 c-3.141,0-5.904,1.612-7.512,4.052c0.211,0.007,0.41,0.011,0.579,0.011c0.94,0,2.396-0.114,2.396-0.114 C7.947,6.93,8.004,7.642,7.52,7.699c0,0-0.487,0.057-1.029,0.085l3.274,9.739l1.968-5.901l-1.401-3.838 C9.848,7.756,9.389,7.699,9.389,7.699C8.904,7.67,8.961,6.93,9.446,6.958c0,0,1.484,0.114,2.368,0.114 c0.94,0,2.397-0.114,2.397-0.114c0.485-0.028,0.542,0.684,0.057,0.741c0,0-0.488,0.057-1.029,0.085l3.249,9.665l0.897-2.996 C17.841,13.284,18.069,12.316,18.069,11.546z M19.889,7.686c0.039,0.286,0.06,0.593,0.06,0.924c0,0.912-0.171,1.938-0.684,3.22 l-2.746,7.94c2.673-1.558,4.47-4.454,4.47-7.771C20.991,10.436,20.591,8.967,19.889,7.686z M12,22C6.486,22,2,17.514,2,12 C2,6.486,6.486,2,12,2c5.514,0,10,4.486,10,10C22,17.514,17.514,22,12,22z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>SEATTLE, WA &#8211; &#8220;Hey, brah,&#8221; began the 3 a.m. call to the city of Seattle. &#8220;It&#8217;s me, man, Portland. The Roooooose Ciiiitttttt-aaaayyyyyyyy!&#8221; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Quickly moving past Seattle&#8217;s befogged questions of what time it was, Portland continued. &#8220;We haven&#8217;t seen each other in, like, forever, what with all this weird s&#8211;t going down, you know what I mean? So, like, how are you, man? I mean, like, how are you REALLY, you know?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Responding to questions about whether it had been drinking, Portland replied &#8220;Oh, I just had a couple beers, like, hours ago. And my girlfriend got us some dank weed. But I just miss you, you know?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Portland moved on to the topic of the cities&#8217; shared Northwestern culture. &#8220;I love the rainy winters like you &#8211; NOT!&#8221; Portland said with a deep, coughing laugh. &#8220;Hey, isn&#8217;t it awesome we both have, like, actual pot stores? Isn&#8217;t that <em>amazing<\/em>? You and me, broh. Right? Hey, I miss the NBA season. How&#8217;s your basketball team? Oh, oh s&#8211;t. I totally forgot. I&#8217;m sorry man to bring that up. That&#8217;s my bad.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At times, Portland showed evidence of emotional mood swings. &#8220;Don&#8217;t you judge me, man,&#8221; said the 25th most populous city in the US. &#8220;So maybe I didn&#8217;t go to college like you, but at least I never sold out. How&#8217;s Microsoft? &#8216;Cause <em>that&#8217;s<\/em> super cool. <em>Portlandia&#8217;s<\/em> still on IFC and you&#8217;ve got, like, what? <em>Gray&#8217;s f&#8212;ing Anatomy<\/em>? And <em>Frasier<\/em> jumped the shark after Niles and Daphne got married. Boom, mic drop, b&#8212;-h.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But after a long, digressive discussion of the role of hops in craft beer, Portland returned to more conciliatory themes. &#8220;You and me, man, you know? RIGHT! You <em>get<\/em> me. We&#8217;re, like &#8220;friends with Amtrak benefits&#8221; or something. Besides, who else am I going to hang out with &#8211; Boise? They seem all cool but after the third beer they&#8217;re all, like, &#8216;How much ammunition do you have in your fallout shelter?'&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After 45 minutes, Seattle explained that it had to go to work the next morning. Portland reluctantly concluded the call by saying &#8220;Okay, man, you are coming here first thing after all this crap is over, right? I love you man. Bros forever. Okay? Also, before I go, can you pay my bail money?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n<div class=\"twitter-share\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?via=SeattleNewsmkr\" class=\"twitter-share-button\">Tweet<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>SEATTLE, WA &#8211; &#8220;Hey, brah,&#8221; began the 3 a.m. call to the city of Seattle. &#8220;It&#8217;s me, man, Portland. The Roooooose Ciiiitttttt-aaaayyyyyyyy!&#8221; Quickly moving past Seattle&#8217;s befogged questions of what &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/?p=113\" class=\"more-link\">Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":114,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[32],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/Portland-MtHood2.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=113"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":138,"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113\/revisions\/138"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/114"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=113"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=113"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.seattlenewsmaker.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=113"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}